All sussed out needn't apply.

The Trouble With Me Is...

2009-03-22T16:54:00.000-07:00

I have spent most of my day sitting in front of the computer screen, reading and searching random things on the internet.
In my eternal quest for self-knowing, I google 'Virgo", my astrological sign and thie site came up: Astro-online.
I found it very informative, and apparently, here are a few problems that often plague people under my sign (so accurate!). I am posting them here so I always remember and work and fixing my issues.

Problem: Finding yourself frequently alone and unable to keep friends for more than a few weeks.
Solution: Try not to be argumentative over much and the constant criticism that Virgos give to their companions are not endearing qualities to have. Try to live and let live, they will love you for it.

Problem: People tend to avoid making close contact with you.
Solution: Being too preoccupied with health and making it a continual topic of conversation. Try to keep your tips and suggestions about health and health products to yourself unless asked for them.

Problem: Dissatisfied with the way your life is turning out; no excitement or change to speak of.
Solution: You may be restricting yourself by reducing your life to a set of theories and pigeon-holes. Try to express the positive by first asking yourself, Who or what are you serving; are you devoted or are you enslaved. Answer those questions and then start a new path that includes your true worth.

Problem: You may feel that your life and your climb to success is a steep hill that you may never be able to scale.
Solution: Try expressing the positive traits of your finely tuned analytical reasoning, employing the light touch with employees and coworkers, while expressing genuine concern for all; You will find those mountains turning into hills that you run right over.

horoscopes

New York, New York.

2008-10-12T13:53:00.000-07:00

Today, my body is tired. Today, I take a moment to love inertia. Today, I let New York do its thing without one of its newest, most adoring residents.
I feel like my life is wasting away on days like this when I lay in bed, staring at the computer screen. I didn't come to New York to stay home and watch tv. But in my defense, I have not done this in a long while.
So much has happened in the month that I've been here, I don't even know where to begin. I cannot tell you enough how much I love this city. My thoughts are a jumble of things that I can't figure out but I'm just going to plow through them out put them down on virtual paper.
I love the anonymity. I love that you can be so ridiculously crazy and no one even bats an eyelid. I love that I don't ever have to smile, or say hello if I don't want to. But when I do smile, it appreciated so much because it it somewhat rare (unfortunately). I love the ferry to Staten Island, and how I have made it my own. I love the Nigerian lady I saw on the ferry two weekends ago who reminded me so much of my mother, right down to the huge plastic bags of practically unsalvagable flea market clothing she was carrying with her. I love that she smiled at me and I felt special. I love Union Square with its artists, and lithe young men practicing Capoeira at odd hours. I love how I can go anywhere alone and don't feel any guilt and awkwardness. I love how I have become a part of the City, just like anyone else. We are all the same in the fact that we are all unique, I don't know if this makes much sense.
I love how I never felt more feminine, sexy, wanted than in this City.
Although this has made me realize that I have major issues. No, seriously. Tell me why out of all the people that I meet everyday, it is guaranteed that the ones I am attracted to are either gay or taken. It is a very disturbing phenomenon that I exhibit and I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do about it.
I just have to tell you about Cameron, dear, sweet, wonderful Cameron. I met him on the train when he asked to use my map, didn't talk to him much because you never know with these New Yorkers. A perfectly normal looking person could be a gun-toting, psychologically imbalanced creep. I got off at the next stop but he stayed on. I was on my way to catch the ferry to Staten Island as I do every Sunday evening and as I was waiting for the boat, who should I see but Cameron. I didn't know if I should be pleasantly surprised or alarmed. He seemed alright so we got to talking and he told me about how he was in training to become a cop and blah blah blah. I don't even know why I'm telling this story but I was very taken with him. I talked to him like I'd never talked to anyone before. He reminded me a bit of me because he had this aura of peacefulness about him. I said the most stupid, crazy shit to him and it was all just very comfortable. Anyway, long story short we exchanged numbers and he walked me back to where I'd catch the ferry home and gave me a hug as he left to go home. It was a spine tingling hug and I could still feel his hand on my hip all the way back home.
Days pass, I don't hear from him so I decided to call. I am bad with long stories so I'll just tell you that what I'm trying to say is that Cameron is gay. What is wrong with me? I really don't understand. I've gotten numbers from all sorts of guys who I am pretty sure are straight all the while I've been in NYC but only choose to call the gay, unavailable ones.
I think I am trying to tell myself something but I can't quite figure out what. Maybe that romantic love was never meant for me, and I was meant to be single for the rest of my life. I just don't know but make it go away!

A friend of mine thinks that all men are inherently perverts. I have come to terms with the fact that I will ever sound like a 9 year old child on the phone, it is something that I often put to use in my favor actually. I am currently temping with JP Morgan and my job requires that I call a lot of financial institutions for information on bonds. Tell me why the male employees of these companies deem it fit to hit on someone who sounds like a 9 year old! I initially thought my voice has some hidden sexual magical talents that I was previously unaware of, but a male friend of mine says I am getting hit on because I sound like a child.
You men are all perverts!
I shall return...

Here, My Dear

2008-08-04T22:24:00.000-07:00

All day to-day I've bumped Marvin Gaye up in my eardrums. Is it advisable to love a dead man so? His album 'Here, My Dear' has been my poison of choice.
A little history on the album: Marvin (yes, we're cool like that) wrote the album for his ex-wife Anna Gordy. Their marriage had fallen apart and he needed to cough up some alimony for the divorce but couldn't because of his extravagant life style. He and his lawyer came up with a deal in which he would make an album and give half the royalties to his ex-wife and so was born 'Here, My Dear'. Such an angry album! Yet he sings it in that mellow voice of his. Songs like 'I Met A Little Girl', 'Here, My Dear', 'Anna's Song', 'You Can Leave But It's Gonna Cost You' all narrate the story of this marriage and the enormous amount of anger and betrayal he felt towards Anna.

So that's my story. Regardless of all the bitterness it still is a really beautiful album and it's on this week's continuous replay.

Today's poem is something I wrote a while back. It's recently been published so I thought I'd share.

THE REASON WHY
I'm mad at horses
Because when they're born,
They get right up
And start walking.
But me,
I'm still learning to crawl.

I'm mad at people out there,
Living their dreams
Because I'm much too much of a punk
To live La Vie Boheme.

I'm mad at him
Because he's said goodbye
before I got a chance to get my hello in.

I'm mad at salty tears
Because they fall at the oddest moments,
Ruining the taste of everything
And I'm left looking like the idiot
Who cries in biology class
Because we broached the subject of
Sickle cell anemia
In West Africa,
Nigeria to be exact.
Lagos,
My people,
My home,
Welcome to my life.

I feel like a bath. A long, steamy, hot bath with lots of bubbles and maybe a glass of white wine.

My Favorite Kind of Love Song

2008-08-03T01:37:00.001-07:00

I'm a sucker for love songs, even though I can't say for certain I've ever been in love. I get fuzzy inside listening to them, imagining the singer is talking to me, his words directed at me. It makes me imagine how I'd want to be loved. If possible I'd want the person who loved to say the exact same words in those songs to me, I'm a sap like that.
I think it's funny that some of my favorite love songs are written and performed by Hip Hop artists. If you buy into the stereotypes you'd imagine that the archetypal rap artist is some uber masculine creature with sagging pants going about calling women his bitches and hoes. You wouldn't think that a rap artist could the author of a tender, heart-tugging love song.
Talib Kweli, Mos Def, Black Thought, and Common are my favorite 'love rappers' in descending order. I got on a Talib Kweli high today listening to songs like 'Talk To You', 'Brown Skin Lady', 'Hot Thing', 'Love Language', etc. I can't help but appreciate his poetry. He says these words that sound to sincere and beautiful that I really believe that he thinks the world of me. He is a true poet, an orator and I really want to know the women who have inspired him to this artistry. He makes me wonder if I could ever inspire that in a man; is my voice the right pitch, my heart the right size, my gaze so magnetic. Would he see the 'illest coral reef' in my eyes?, could I be so memorable?
The one song that buys Mos Def his spot on my list is 'The Beggar' on his 'New Danger' album. His delivery is haunting and makes me want to scream just as loud as he did on that track. An old boyfriend (for lack of a better word, I'm not quite sure what he was to me) sang this song to me once. I don't think he felt quite like Mos Def did though, but it's the thought that counts. Perhaps it's this bit of nostalgia that keeps him on my list.
Other than that, he's also got songs like 'Love', 'Brown Skin Lady', and 'U R The One' that plant him firmly on my list. You might wonder why a song such as 'U R The One' is one my list but it's one of those love turned into hate things, showing just how much he loved the chick in the song.
Now Black Thought. Yo, I don't even know why The Roots aren't on top of this list! I think that I could say that The Roots are my favorite Hip Hop group at the moment. Black Thought's lyrics on tracks like 'Complexity', 'You Got Me', 'Silent Treatment', 'Love of My Life', 'Sweetest Taboo', 'Break You Off' etc just blow me away! Tariq Trotter's delivery can be so furious and urgent, yet so soothing at the same time. I can never get out of my head the quiet, intent delivery on the track 'Complexity'. I truly believe that he will 'care for me, provide for me, and share with me' when he says it like that. And I've got to say his Philly accent is possibly the sexiest thing I've ever heard! Well that's a bit of a stretch but it's up there. I really, really wonder if he writes all his own lyrics (I should buy more actual albums for cd liners). I wonder if ?uestlove writes his lyrics with him, I wonder if they trade love stories about how the women in their lives inspire them to poetry. I wonder, I wonder... I once had a dream about ?uestlove. That he met me and couldn't take his eyes of me. We talked, he held my hand and kissed me but his kiss tasted weird. Weird me.
Then we have Common. What can I say about Common? Could it be 'Come Close', 'Between Me and You Liberation', 'Go', 'Be', 'The Light', 'So Far To Go', or 'Nag Champa'. I lied: This list isn't in order of preference, I simply cannot choose who to give the title of my favorite 'Love Rapper'. I love them all and I don't want them to ever stop. I hope that more rappers will take the hint and start saying sweet things to us ladies.

Pharrell earns a special mention in my assessment. Something about his honesty and sincerity (maybe this is all we really want from you gentlemen) that melts my heart. I giggle like a little child when songs like 'Frontin', 'Number One', 'Beautiful', and 'You Know What' come on. I know, It probably has something to do with that cute baby face of his too. I know, I'm a strange one to have him on the list but he's got some lyrics and moves.

So that's been the first edition of my music musings. Whether they will return for a second airing is questionable but let's take it as we see it.
This blog will mostly be dedicated to my poetry, yes, I've started writing again. I've been trying this thing where I write at least a few lines just before I go to bed each night and it's worked pretty well except for nights I've been 'indisposed'. So I promise to post a poem everyday. If I don't have a new one, I'll post an old one, promise.
We'll begin tomorrow, it's been a long day on my sprained ankle. Peace